ANDREWLAND
(under construction)
Andrewland is where I live. Sure, it's a house and the grounds, bushes,
trees, flowers and such, but it's much more than that. It has a feel. A
flavor. Dare I say it has a style? And don't forget the inhabitants.
There are birdies. There are squirrels. There are deer and other
woodland creatures. But there are also gargoyles, gnomes, and fairies.
And cats (sorry, no dogs allowed). And my wonderful wife. Next to my
wonderful wife, the best are the elves. They are very helpful, cleaning
the kitchen, leaving money lying around, and other elf stuff. (but no
cookie baking. These are not Keebler elves).
Why don't you take a look around the grounds.
To start with, Andrewland is surrounded by a replica of the great wall
of China. It is not full scale, but I did the best I could with the
space available. For some reason, the Chinese have not bothered to
copyright their wall, so I will beat them to it. And I plan on using
the proceeds from when I win my case for copyright infringement to pay
for the rest of the construction.
Naturally, the house is in the middle of a nice wooded patch of land.
So if you look around, you will notice trees. Yes, over there. Right
over there. Oh, clean your glasses for heavens sake.
There are trees. Lots of trees. Lots and lots of trees. So many gol
dang trees. You never saw so many trees before. And if you are up late
at night, you can actually hear them. Creeping towards the house.
Slowly, ever so slowly. They think they are sneaking up on me, but I
hear them. I see them too, on nights when there is a full moon. I see
them, sliding their roots towards the house, ever closer to the house.
Oh, sorry, enough of that. But please don't let your children too near the trees. They have been known to bite.
The house, as you can see, is a geodesic dome. And of course, what
would a home be without a moat? That brings to mind a good story. One
of the hardest parts of building Andrewland was finding moat monsters.
Sears quit carrying them several years ago, but I was hoping they had a
few left in stock. Unfortunately, no. I eventually had to make a deal
with Nessie, who talked some of her friends into being my moat
monsters. Just don't get too close to the water, because the deal says
they can eat anyone they can catch. Other than me, and my wife and my
cats, of course.
Walking around to the back you see a series of ponds and lakes. The
first is inside an impenetrable hedge. We took the idea from the hedge
from the story of Sleeping Beauty. You know the story. Where the prince
wanted to get to Sleeping Beauty, but first had to hack and claw his
way inside, using his sword like a machete -- hacking, and hewing, and
sawing, and cutting, and ripping, and splintering, and digging, and
sundering, and rending, and crumpling, and ....
(please stand by, we are having technical difficulties with the author -- he forgot to take his medication this morning).
Inside the
hedge is supposed to be an ornamental pond with the most fantastic
statuary, but since the hedge is, well, impenetrable, I
haven't been able to check on it for a while.
The back of the property contains various free-form ponds (as free form as careful planning and a backhoe can make them).
Next you see the various gardens. We have a vegetable garden, an herb
garden, a tea garden, a flower garden, a second flower garden, a rose
garden, a third rose garden, another herb garden in case the first
doesn't produce, a couple of tenant farms for revenue, a hedge maze,
and finally a water slide.
We have plans for expansion, but so far we are having trouble
convincing the neighbors to sell out. But don't worry, I have plans.
Let's just say I have ways of convincing people they don't want me for
a neighbor, eh.
You want details? Well, for example, the tombstone garden might just do
the trick. And if not, the live-action gargoyles will certainly help.
© 2011, Rotramel Industries