It's true -- and I can prove it.
I can't keep silent any longer. I know I am taking my life in my own hands by letting this out. And it's likely no one will believe me anyway. But at least my own conscience will be clear.
And anyway, I don't think the story is a danger to western civilization. At least I don't think it will be.
No one is really sure why we decided on The Change. Things were going pretty well. School wasn't too difficult. That's why we only went during the winter. Sure, math class was hard -- it always was. But English class was a breeze when every word was spelled "X."
Each year was the same. English class would take about two weeks, one week of reviewing spelling everything "X," and one week to learn new words (that were spelled "X"). We played cards during the rest of the year.
But then The Change. People started complaining about how hard it was to read instructions, especially computer manuals (that hasn't changed, has it). Finally a group of teachers got together and invented spelling.
They called a meeting of all English speakers around the world. Everyone over the age of ten was invited. Everyone under ten was taken out to a movie. The only place big enough to hold all of us was Red Square -- boy, were those Russians mad (we forgot to make reservations). The teachers explained everything to us and it made sense. We could see how writing would be easier to understand. And enough of us agreed that the vote was inevitable. And we agreed it would be best to keep the whole thing a secret.
Then came the hard part.
We had to translate everything that was ever written into the new alphabet. It took weeks. But we all pitched in and got the job done. Next we had to round up and destroy all copies of anything that used the old spellings. We were determined to make this a permanent change. We scoured the planet and replaced all the old "misspelled" documents with "corrected" ones.
Well, that's it. That's the end of the story. Earlier I promised to give you proof. Only people born before 1965 were involved. If you ask them, you will get a confused look and a claim to not know that the heck you're talking about. I've done it. I've asked thousands of people. I have ridden busses from California to New York, from Florida to Alaska. I've asked everyone on the bus and they all deny The Change took place. It's a conspiracy. And the bus company is in on it -- they won't sell me any more bus tickets because too many passengers "complained."